Taking the road I carve for myself....

It has been over a year since my last post, and so much has happened since then! First, I am so sorry for not posting sooner and more regularly.  I feel that a lot that has been going on has been laying the groundwork for what is going on this year; plus it has been a lot of things that didn't seem like they were major things at the time, but now that I look back, they were important parts of where my path has lead me.  I will be much better at keeping up this up-to-date.  This time I really promise.  

Secondly, I have officially decided not to do the Peace Corps (at least for now in my life) and had my last conversation with them a few weeks ago.  I will try to document everything the best I can.  Luckily I did keep journal entries, and some of the conversations were over email, so I can share some of that with you. Starting with the journal entries from over a year ago....but first a brief background on why this is all coming up again now...

They keep your application for up to a year after you turn them down three times in a row (as I had and as outlined below).  So I did give them the actual final "no" a few weeks ago (May 14th, 2014), but that will be its own post.  

A huge part of me was very upset about this, as it was such a huge dream of mine, and for so long. But, I think that with where I am right now in my life, it was the best decision and my last conversation with my recruiter was such a lovely conversation that I will share it here instead of paraphrasing it.  This is taken directly from my diary on May 9^th 2013, written before my final conversation (there was some “telephone tag” going on) and then May 14^th, just moments after getting off the phone with my recruiter.

May 9^th, 2013 Chicago, IL

The Peace Corps has contacted me for the final time about projects and I don’t know what to expect. The past few rounds they have contacted me for have included projects that just didn’t fit so well. The first time was for English in sub-Saharan Africa, which I was worried would be too warm for me, and I, selfishly, wanted something more related to my degree. The second time they contacted me, they had similar projects and a few engineering projects [note: I could only be sent as an engineer if I had experience working as an engineer, internships didn't count] in South America and Africa. While this was intriguing, I wasn’t eligible for South America until I became fluent in Spanish. In addition to that, they had contacted me a week into starting my job and a week into moving to Chicago, and as much as I want to do Peace Corps, I couldn’t wrap my head around moving to another country within a year of moving to the city. So I, sadly, had to turn down the offers.  The good in this is that I knew that I would be in the next round of projects, and wasn’t entirely missing out on my dream. I would have another two months to think about if I would be ready to go or if I what I am doing here in Chicago is enough to help improve the world in whatever ways I can with my talents and skill sets (through my job at the non-profit and joining Engineers Without Borders). 

This past Monday I received a call from my PC recruiter saying that I should give him a call and we can figure out my stance with PC andmaybe move forward with a project. My easy-going Monday was suddenly flipped upside-down and my stomach was in knots – it had already been two months and I had been so busy with so many other things that I hadn’t been giving it much thought.  I have been playing phone-tag and emailing my recruiter, so I haven’t spoken to him directly yet, and consequently, don’t know what is all available, but am faced with the dilemma of: Do I accept something and go somewhere my skills are needed and leave behind a job that I love where my skills are also needed? Or do I stay and give up on a dream that I have had for years? Part of me tells myself that dreams change or can be fulfilled in other ways, and that EWB is not only a very good substitute for PC, but might actually be more fitting for me.

I think one of the biggest things for me is letting go of the dream – I wanted it for so long, and talked about it so much, that it became a part of who I am and wanted to be, but my life might not be meant to go down that path, and not knowing the path is a little intimidating. I am all for taking the road less travelled, but I thought PC was the road less travelled. In reality the road I am taking is being carved out as I go along it – it hasn’t even been travelled…yet. 

I don’t know what I am going to say to my recruiter when I talk to him. I guess it really depends on what he all has to say – last time he was very good at putting me at ease, so hopefully it goes well again…

JLC

P.S. I had to note the irony of all this – I am writing this with my Peace Corps pen while lying under my PC poster, both read “Life is calling. How far will you go?” Apparently I’ll make it to Chicago – at least for now…

May 14^th 2013, Chicago, IL

I just got off the phone with my PC recruiter…

Him: “…So what is your standing with the Peace Corps?”

Me: “After talking to several people,”

Him: “Good”

Me: “…and much thought, and as much as I hate saying it, I am going to be turning Peace Corps down right now.”

Him: “Don’t feel bad saying it – you are making a difficult decision between two good things; it’s one of those good-tough decisions. We aren’t going to hold it against you, and really, you will know when you are ready and that is all we can hope for. Maybe in a year or two you will be at a point in your life where the next step will be Peace Corps and the timing will be right. And really, by then you will be more competitive and more eligible for our more interesting programs because you will have more experience with work and Engineers Without Borders. So don’t feel bad about it at all.”

So even though it was really hard to let go of a dream, at least for now, after talking to him, I feel like I have made the right decision. 

And I didn’t know this until right now, but they will keep my application for a year, so if there is a point in the next year where I want to sign up again, I can, as long as it is before May 14^th, 2014 (without re-applying).  This is really nice because the application took several days to complete (weeks if you include all the letters of recommendation). 

So for right now, I don’t know what my future holds with Peace Corps, but I think that for right now, I made a good decision and as Jeff told me in another conversation, “We will always be here for you if you decide you want to do it.”
So for now, I am happy with where I am and my future is just a bunch of blank pages…
JLC

“We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” ~ Joseph Campbell

As I was starting this blog, a friend requested that I keep true to the “facts of life” – I think he meant more along the lines of the standards of living in some of the places that the Peace Corps goes – but not all “facts of life” are physical, as I have learned since my graduation in December.

Serving in the Peace Corps had been a dream of mine since I was in middle school – I fantasized about a life filled with adventure, using another language (or two, or three…) and using my skills and expertise to do whatever I could to make the world a better place. My plan was to achieve that dream right after graduation.  However, life or God or the cosmos, or whoever you want to believe, had other plans - plans I didn’t realize what were being set into motion at the time.

One random day, my friend, Ian, from Engineers Without Borders (EWB), told me about a guest speaker that was coming to campus from the Chicago chapter of EWB, saying that this speaker would be VERY informative and useful for my serving with Peace Corps. I was interested in going, but, as the day came closer, school work was piling up, and with the end of the semester looming over us, I was more concerned about graduating than about a speaker. The day of the meeting I was working in our senior design lab when Ian reminded me about the meeting. I tried convincing him that I was too busy to go; I was interested but needed to get my stuff done “so I could graduate”. He thought this was a BS response, so proceeded to try to persuade me to go to the meeting. We eventually got to the point where we were literally arguing about whether or not I should go to this meeting. (Something along the lines of: Ian-“But this is what you want to do with your life!”; Me-“ But I can’t do it if I don’t graduate!”)

My own stubbornness was almost my demise. Luckily for me, Ian was equally as stubborn, and I was all out of excuses.Right before leaving he turned to say

 “Jessi, I really think you should go to this. This guy has been everywhere and seen everything. He could really help you with anything you need for the Peace Corps. We are going to have a business meeting first then he is going to speak, you should really come up.” And with that he left.

I wrestled with myself for a good ten minutes or so, watching the clock tick closer to the meeting time. I pondered sitting in the meeting, listening to what I was assuming to be a middle-aged man expound upon his life-experience of projects in other countries. It could be hit or miss – sometimes these presentations are really interesting, sometimes they are as dry as the homework I was working on. Did I really need more of that in my day? I eventually concluded that, if anything, it would be a good excuse to take a break from my homework. Besides, who knew? Maybe Ian would be right and maybe it would be worthwhile for me – there was only one way to find out...

There are so many decisions that I have made in life that make me wonder where I would be, or what my life would be like if I had chosen something else. The decision to actually listen to Ian and go to the damn meeting is one of those decisions. I have moments now where I look back and fear that this is all just a dream and I DIDN’T go to the meeting and I am still waiting for my life to become what I wanted it to be. The lesson I was about to learn wasn’t that Ian is always right (sorry Ian!), but that  you never know when an opportunity will come along to blow your sails in the direction of the life waiting for you.

I went into the room and sat in the corner by the door, away from everyone, ready to dodge out in case I felt the need to continue working on my school work (when I look back on this I roll my eyes at myself). The speaker, Frank, was very experienced with working in different communities world-wide, and was much younger than I expected. His presentation was not only refreshing, but also very inspiring – if this guy, who isn’t that much older than us, can do so much, what can we do? What can I do? I just listened to him and absorbed everything I could; the information he was sharing was definitely useful for what I wanted to do. I also realized that what he was doing was very much in line with what I wanted to do with my life - maybe Peace Corps wasn't the only answer? My stubborn side hated to admit it, but Ian was definitely right about me attending this.

Toward the end of the meeting, as the group was asking questions, and as I was realizing that I had been on the losing side of an argument with Ian, Ian decided to inform everyone - “By the way, that is Jessica in the corner. She is here because she is planning to go into the Peace Corps and wanted to learn about volunteering and working in communities in other countries.” This is, again, another moment that makes me wonder what would be different in my life if this HADN’T happened. I hated all the sudden, unexpected attention at the time, but this also had a major effect on my life plans and to Ian I am extremely grateful.

This announcement generated a lot of buzz among my peers and after the meeting one of the members came up to talk to me:

Ethan – So when are you going?
Me – I don’t know but it won’t be for at least a year.

Ethan – Really? What are you going to do between graduation and then?
Me – I don’t know, look for something short-term? I applied for AmeriCorps, and we will see what else comes up; maybe an internship or something short-term

Ethan – Well, I know the organization that I had internships with in Chicago is hiring a data analyst for 3-4 months, would you be interested?
Me – That could be a definite possibility. Can you give me their information?

After graduation I got in touch with the organization and set up an interview. During the interview they informed me that they were also hiring an energy auditor, which would be a full-time, permanent position and they would ask me some questions for that opening. Within a few weeks of the interview I received an offer for the energy auditor position - this is where dealing with the internal “facts of life” comes in. If I were to accept the position, it would mean putting off the Peace Corps and moving to Chicago – something I had NOT been mentally preparing for. I had to decide between taking a job that felt so right in so many ways (sometimes you just know), or waiting for one of my biggest dreams to come true. There were sleepless nights. There were tears. There were arguments with my parents. There was the harsh reality of $40,000 of student debt that I would have to start paying off in a few months. If I joined the Peace Corps, that debt could be deferred, but when would I actually join? How long would I want that to follow me around for? How would I even make payments before serving? The debt felt so restraining. Plus, in reality, this job just seemed WAY too fitting for me to pass up and Peace Corps wasn’t going the way I had hoped (that will be another post, I promise). Sometimes you just get a gut feeling about something in life, and this was one of those times. I opted for the energy auditor position and on March 1^st, I moved from Milwaukee to the windy city.

I love my job. They say that if you love what you do, you never work a day in your life, and that is EXACTLY how I feel. Yes, that might change as time goes on, but I get so much joy out of what I do. We go to people’s homes, apartment buildings, et cetra and give them suggestions on improving their energy usage. If it is applicable, we also help them with rebates and low interest loans to help pay for some of the suggestions. Some of our clients are low to moderate income, and they are SOOO happy for us to come and help them. The needs of some of these people are very real, and their pure joy at hearing how we can help them is unbelievable. I had a bit of an epiphany the other day as I was standing on the roof of a building in Uptown: the life I am living right now, here in the city, is EXACTLY what I wanted, I just didn’t realize it. I wanted to help people, I wanted to go on adventures (its Chicago – everyday is an adventure!), I wanted to use my skills for something good and I am even learning Spanish and Polish/Slovak. The only thing that isn’t true right now is that I am not living in another country – but, who knows? That might be yet to come…

Until then, I have decided to join the Chicagoland Professional Chapter of EWB and am extremely excited to see how and what I can contribute to their projects –maybe I will get my travel fix there or achieve some of the other dreams that I had for Peace Corps. And yes, this is also the same chapter that Frank, the speaker that visited my campus back in December, is a part of - it’s kind of funny how life twirls you around and drops you off so close to what started everything. 

As for my future, I don't know what it holds, but if it’s anything like the past few months, it should be a whirl wind of exciting adventures as I venture into the life that has been awaiting me. I am so excited to see where it leads!

And if it wasn’t clear enough already, special thanks to: Ethan for telling me about the open position in Chicago; Frank for coming to Platteville that weekend in December – I don’t know what your side of the story was from that weekend, but no matter how simple or complicated it was, I am happy you came; and finally Ian, a HUGE thank you for not giving up on me and for calling me out on my lame excuses, I didn’t have many people doing that in my life and I am happy you did – and I’ll say it again, you were right (at least for this one…). 

Thank you.

A Bit About Me

The most frequent question I get asked when I tell people that I have applied to the Peace Corps is: What made you decide to do that?  This post is to (thoroughly) answer that question, as it is the start and the base for what I am doing and why I have this blog.  My apologies for the length, I will try in the future to keep them shorter - this is just a complete answer to a surprisingly complex question.  Although I suppose it could all be summed up by "because I care." ....But if you want more of an answer and want to get to know me better, read on.

As I mentioned in my first post, I have just graduating from college with a degree in Environmental Engineering - it has taken me five and a half years to get to this point and I am not finishing where I thought I would (I started in Civil Engineering at UW-Milwaukee and ended up in Platteville). And the journey to get where I am today has NOT always been easy - but I think that the good times have far out weighed the low points and I am SO excited about my future that in the end, I think, it will all be worth it.

I had chosen Environmental Engineering because I am EXTREMELY passionate about the environment and saving the the planet and its inhabitants.  I will try my best to not be preachy on this blog; that isn't what I am intending this blog to be and being preachy doesn't work, especially since the information that people get preachy about is often misguided or interpreted incorrectly...but I digress.  I care about the planet because I care about people and animals (we always had a houseful of pets growing up - a dog, bird, fish, frogs and lizards...), and its as simple as I just care about it all.  There are tons of ways to save the world and help people, but with my strength in math showing up at a young age (apparently I did my brother's math homework when we were in elementary school - he is a few years older than me), and my curiosity in everything, engineering seemed a fairly natural fit.  Mix those strengths with my passion, and you have a perfect fit for Environmental Engineering.

I am explaining all of this in this blog because those same passions - the caring about the world and drive to do whatever I can to make it a better place - are what lead me to be so interested in Peace Corps and AmeriCorps.  That coupled with my technical background - that few people have - means that I could really have a pretty positive impact on the world, even if its as simple (and complicated) as getting a sustainable water source to a small community in South America.

I first heard of the Peace Corps sometime between middle school and high school and thought since then that it would be a pretty cool thing to do, but always put it on the back burner - it would be cool, but is it what I really wanted to do? Aren't engineers supposed to graduate and go into industry? Make those high starting salaries that we are always told about (and are, unfortunately a driving force for too many people, but that's an observation/opinion of mine)?  In the Peace Corps I would "make" enough to cover the bills and then at the end get a stipend - nothing compared to what I could make.  Is it something that I really wanted to do after all my hard work?...

This summer I took a trip to Slovakia with my dance group (Slovak folk dancing). It was my second time going, and despite some drama on the trip, I LOVED being in Europe.  After some contemplation, I realized that it was because everyday was so different; every day was an adventure - and I loved it.  I don't speak Slovak, and this was a problem many times, but I didn't care, I loved the adventure, meeting new people, seeing new things, being so immersed in something that it was all I thought about - everything was so in-the-moment.  It was on this trip that I realized that I am not ready (and might never be) to sit in a cubicle 8 hours a day chugging away at engineering stuff.  I want to be out in the field (something I already knew), but more importantly, I want to be out of my comfort zone, and I want to see the world and forge new friendships, have new experiences, learn new things - all of that.  At that point it  became so blindingly obvious that I HAD to do Peace Corps, AmeriCorps or something that is related to them - so I signed up for both.

I do realize that serving is going to be quite different from travelling for fun, or for a short period, but I think that is what I am really drawn to.  Trips are never long enough, and I always want to experience more, so what better opportunity? I have gotten many stories from returned volunteers and from people in other organizations, such as Engineers Without Borders, so I am not looking at this through rosy colored glasses, but I am also still very optimistic about serving - I guess you could say that I'm optimistically realistic about it - I have some reality of what it might be like, but I am still very optimistic about it.

I have heard back from both organizations about serving, which is super exciting - but that is for another post. :)

Not sure how often I should post...what do you all think?  Maybe weekly and then as big events happen? Share your thoughts - and maybe a little on who you are?  I see I have had several views, but I don't think its all people I actually know, and honestly that kind of creeps me out.  I know I can change things, but now I am more curious than anything...

Start-up

Hey everyone! I have just graduated from college (as in two days ago) and am currently finishing up my final exams and projects (yes, finals and final projects are due AFTER graduation at my school), so start-up of all of this might be a little slow going this week.  I mainly wanted to just get something set up and out there, plus it allowed me to procrastinate on studying....I am hoping to have more of an introductory/this is where things are right now/what I've done so far post up in the next few days - so stay tuned!