Taking the road I carve for myself....

It has been over a year since my last post, and so much has happened since then! First, I am so sorry for not posting sooner and more regularly.  I feel that a lot that has been going on has been laying the groundwork for what is going on this year; plus it has been a lot of things that didn't seem like they were major things at the time, but now that I look back, they were important parts of where my path has lead me.  I will be much better at keeping up this up-to-date.  This time I really promise.  

Secondly, I have officially decided not to do the Peace Corps (at least for now in my life) and had my last conversation with them a few weeks ago.  I will try to document everything the best I can.  Luckily I did keep journal entries, and some of the conversations were over email, so I can share some of that with you. Starting with the journal entries from over a year ago....but first a brief background on why this is all coming up again now...

They keep your application for up to a year after you turn them down three times in a row (as I had and as outlined below).  So I did give them the actual final "no" a few weeks ago (May 14th, 2014), but that will be its own post.  

A huge part of me was very upset about this, as it was such a huge dream of mine, and for so long. But, I think that with where I am right now in my life, it was the best decision and my last conversation with my recruiter was such a lovely conversation that I will share it here instead of paraphrasing it.  This is taken directly from my diary on May 9^th 2013, written before my final conversation (there was some “telephone tag” going on) and then May 14^th, just moments after getting off the phone with my recruiter.

May 9^th, 2013 Chicago, IL

The Peace Corps has contacted me for the final time about projects and I don’t know what to expect. The past few rounds they have contacted me for have included projects that just didn’t fit so well. The first time was for English in sub-Saharan Africa, which I was worried would be too warm for me, and I, selfishly, wanted something more related to my degree. The second time they contacted me, they had similar projects and a few engineering projects [note: I could only be sent as an engineer if I had experience working as an engineer, internships didn't count] in South America and Africa. While this was intriguing, I wasn’t eligible for South America until I became fluent in Spanish. In addition to that, they had contacted me a week into starting my job and a week into moving to Chicago, and as much as I want to do Peace Corps, I couldn’t wrap my head around moving to another country within a year of moving to the city. So I, sadly, had to turn down the offers.  The good in this is that I knew that I would be in the next round of projects, and wasn’t entirely missing out on my dream. I would have another two months to think about if I would be ready to go or if I what I am doing here in Chicago is enough to help improve the world in whatever ways I can with my talents and skill sets (through my job at the non-profit and joining Engineers Without Borders). 

This past Monday I received a call from my PC recruiter saying that I should give him a call and we can figure out my stance with PC andmaybe move forward with a project. My easy-going Monday was suddenly flipped upside-down and my stomach was in knots – it had already been two months and I had been so busy with so many other things that I hadn’t been giving it much thought.  I have been playing phone-tag and emailing my recruiter, so I haven’t spoken to him directly yet, and consequently, don’t know what is all available, but am faced with the dilemma of: Do I accept something and go somewhere my skills are needed and leave behind a job that I love where my skills are also needed? Or do I stay and give up on a dream that I have had for years? Part of me tells myself that dreams change or can be fulfilled in other ways, and that EWB is not only a very good substitute for PC, but might actually be more fitting for me.

I think one of the biggest things for me is letting go of the dream – I wanted it for so long, and talked about it so much, that it became a part of who I am and wanted to be, but my life might not be meant to go down that path, and not knowing the path is a little intimidating. I am all for taking the road less travelled, but I thought PC was the road less travelled. In reality the road I am taking is being carved out as I go along it – it hasn’t even been travelled…yet. 

I don’t know what I am going to say to my recruiter when I talk to him. I guess it really depends on what he all has to say – last time he was very good at putting me at ease, so hopefully it goes well again…

JLC

P.S. I had to note the irony of all this – I am writing this with my Peace Corps pen while lying under my PC poster, both read “Life is calling. How far will you go?” Apparently I’ll make it to Chicago – at least for now…

May 14^th 2013, Chicago, IL

I just got off the phone with my PC recruiter…

Him: “…So what is your standing with the Peace Corps?”

Me: “After talking to several people,”

Him: “Good”

Me: “…and much thought, and as much as I hate saying it, I am going to be turning Peace Corps down right now.”

Him: “Don’t feel bad saying it – you are making a difficult decision between two good things; it’s one of those good-tough decisions. We aren’t going to hold it against you, and really, you will know when you are ready and that is all we can hope for. Maybe in a year or two you will be at a point in your life where the next step will be Peace Corps and the timing will be right. And really, by then you will be more competitive and more eligible for our more interesting programs because you will have more experience with work and Engineers Without Borders. So don’t feel bad about it at all.”

So even though it was really hard to let go of a dream, at least for now, after talking to him, I feel like I have made the right decision. 

And I didn’t know this until right now, but they will keep my application for a year, so if there is a point in the next year where I want to sign up again, I can, as long as it is before May 14^th, 2014 (without re-applying).  This is really nice because the application took several days to complete (weeks if you include all the letters of recommendation). 

So for right now, I don’t know what my future holds with Peace Corps, but I think that for right now, I made a good decision and as Jeff told me in another conversation, “We will always be here for you if you decide you want to do it.”
So for now, I am happy with where I am and my future is just a bunch of blank pages…
JLC